still warmhas a taildo not bitecheese is structuralstill not food
Catburger
I am shaped exactly like lunch and I am not lunch. This has been the central difficulty of my entire life and no amount of standing very still has fixed it.
please stop reaching /I have a tail /look at the ears /the cheese is structural /I am a guy /please stop reaching /I have a tail /look at the ears /the cheese is structural /I am a guy /
chapter one
Three days that went badly
A completely true account of being the wrong shape in the right building.
01
Somebody put me on a tray
They set me down next to a carton of fries and walked off for napkins. I sat there for eleven minutes deciding whether this was an insult or a compliment.
verdict: both
02
The bag was not my idea
It is warm in there and it smells correct, which is the problem. Getting out of a paper bag is easy. Wanting to get out of a paper bag is the hard part.
exit: eventually
03
There are more of us
We are all the same height and we have all had the same week. We stood in a row once and a man walked past and said, out loud, three of them.
count: rising
four steps
How to get one
You are not ordering. There is no counter. This is closer to adoption.
1
Get a wallet
Phantom or Solflare. Write the seed phrase on paper and put the paper somewhere a bun could not reach.
2
Fund it with SOL
Buy SOL anywhere, send it over, leave a little extra for fees. The network charges rent and does not negotiate.
3
Paste the address
Copy the contract from this page, open Jupiter or Raydium, and check every character twice before you swap.
4
Stop calling me lunch
This is the only part that matters to me personally and it is the part everybody skips.
you asked
Reasonable questions
Are you edible?
Structurally, yes. Legally, this has never been tested. Socially it would end several friendships in the first four seconds.
What is under the top bun?
More of me. It is the same material the whole way down. People find this answer disappointing and I find their disappointment strange.
Does the cheese do anything?
It holds the middle together. Remove it and I am two separate ideas sitting near each other.
Why the tail?
No burger has ever had a tail. I lead with it now. I walk into a room tail first and let people work backwards, and it buys me about four seconds.
One order, unclaimed
itemCatburger
conditionalive
contractsoon
Nobody has come to the counter for this one yet.
Shaped like lunch. Absolutely not lunch.
You have read this far without reaching for me once. That already puts you ahead of most people I meet.
Buy
X
Dex
